Have you ever entered into a contract with God? Or put it this way, have you ever promised to do something for God in exchange for something?

It happens often, and it might be amusing if it weren't so tragically sad. The idea that we have something God doesn't have, and would be willing to part with it if we could entice God into agreeing to pay a reasonable price for it, is really kind of strange view of religion.

Which is why negotiating with God is a difficult subject to even talk about. Negotiating with God is something we do when we are most vulnerable, most desperate, and most terrified. When we have absolutely nowhere else to turn and situation is so bleak that we are willing to take almost any alternative to it. When God is the absolute last resort standing between us and a devastating loss. We don't negotiate with God because we are thinking rationally, we do it because we cannot help it--because we have to try something and we’re all out of options. Sometimes negotiating with God is the only way we can keep our sanity.

The last thing we want to do is pick on people in such fragile situations, or dim their hopes, or even argue with them.

But in calmer moments, we do have to ask the question, does God make deals with people? Does God enter into contracts with people? Does God negotiate with people?

The answer to all of those questions is yes. But the art of the deal in God's world is very different from how it works in our world.

We see this in two examples of how God makes contracts with people in the readings for today. In our first reading, God entered into a contract with the Israelite king, David. Then, in our Gospel reading, God made a deal with Mary.

These are instructive stories. They show us that, by today's standards, God is a terrible negotiator. God is so naïve when it comes to contract negotiation that today's high-powered agents, lawyers, and salespeople should be able to take God to the cleaners.

I've been reading articles by experts in contract negotiation this week, and one of the main principles of the art of the deal is you should always negotiate from a position of strength.

By that standard, the tragic scenarios and bargaining with God I described above should be exactly what God wants. There is no weaker bargaining position than having no choice, absolutely nowhere else to turn, in being in a situation that is so terrible we are willing to accept almost any alternative to it.

Whoever sits across the table from such a person is in a commanding negotiating position. You can dictate the terms, and they have no choice but to agree.

There is a traditional Lutheran point of view that says this is exactly the purpose of the law in the Old Testament. The law shows us what God demands from us. It forces us to realize that in our sinful, human state, we cannot do what God demands from us. We deserve nothing from God. And so, forced into this weak bargaining position, we have no choice but to throw ourselves on God’s mercy, turn over our lives to God, and accept whatever terms God asks.

Say what you want about that theology, it is really nasty, hardball negotiating. Trying to reduce your adversary to the point of hopelessness, of utter desperation, squeezing out all of their options so they have nowhere else to turn, so they have to submit to whatever terms you want to impose; that sounds like the tactics of some of the cruelest villains in society.

In fact, that’s exactly what John D. Rockefeller did when he built his oil empire by ruthlessly crushing all of his competitors. That’s exactly what loan sharks do when they prey upon their victims. Single out those who are desperate and powerless and have nowhere else to turn, and you can drive any kind of a deal you want. You can charge any interest rate you want, because they don’t have any choice but to take your terms.

The God we have in mind when we make desperation deals with God has an awful lot in common with a loan shark. Under normal circumstances, we don’t enter into contracts with loan sharks. Under normal circumstances, we don’t enter into contracts with God. It’s only when circumstances are so dire, so hopeless, all other avenues closed that we come begging for help from God—willing to do whatever it takes, because we’ve got no choice. With our backs to the wall, we’re willing to commit to things we never even considered when things were going well.

There is certainly some merit in that old Lutheran theology that the law drives us into the arms of God. But here’s my problem with it. I don’t see much evidence for it in the Bible.

Whenever I read the Bible and see where God is proposing or negotiating contracts with people, and there are many places where that happens, God never does that. I never see God squeezing people into a weak bargaining position so that God can dictate terms and close the deal. There is a powerful Biblical figure who does do that, but his name is Satan.

If you think about it, that is exactly the scenario of the standard "sell your soul to the devil" plot. People get squeezed into desperate circumstances where they feel they have nowhere else to turn. They are helpless and they know it. They see that the devil is offering a terrible deal, but they can’t see that there is any other way out. That’s how evil triumphs in the world.

Is there any reason to believe God and the devil use the same tactics?

Look at today’s Bible readings and see how God acts in contract negotiations with human beings. First we have David’s story in II Samuel.

David decides that he’s going to build a permanent house for God. All these years the Israelites’ worship has been centered on a portable Ark of the Covenent, housed in a tent. David declares that he’s going to build a fitting house for this symbol of the presence of God; he’s going to build a Temple.

It’s not a bad idea. It seems a noble gesture, even a devout response to a situation.

There is a problem with it in God’s eyes, however. The word "covenant" basically means "contract." The Ark of the Covenant is the Ark of the contract that God has made with his people.

When did God make that contract? Way back in the time of Abraham. Again in the time of Moses. What were the terms of the contract? You shall be my people and I shall be your God.

How did that contract come about? Was there any negotiating involved? No. While there are stories of God negotiating with people, particularly the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, and a couple of times with Moses, God’s contracts do not involve negotiation. Every contract with God is: take it or leave it.

This sounds like a version of the harsh negotiating tactics we just talked about, but it’s not. God is not a hard and shrewd negotiator, in fact he’s ridiculously easy. God begins every contract by violating the first rule of contract negotiation, which is: Never make the first offer. God always makes the first offer. God comes to people with a contract offer.

The second rule of negotiation is: offer less than you’re willing to settle for. God gives it all away before the meeting even starts.

God violates all the rules of contract negotiation because God is not looking to get anything from us. In every contract God proposes, God is looking to give something to us.

God offers a contract to Abraham and Moses whereby God promises a loving relationship with them. God promises that this relationship will bring them life, peace, joy, and understanding. God does not say what he will get out of it, because that’s not the point. He does not negotiate, because God gives it all away in his first offer. There is no negotiation. The only question is: Do you want in or not? You want to commit to this or not?

We keep looking for the fine print in the contract. What are we obligated to do in exchange for this tremendous benefit? What concessions do we have to make. What do we have pay? And God says, I’m not looking for any concessions or payment. I am offering you a way of life. I am offering a relationship and that’s all I want from you. I’m not looking to get anything from you, I’m looking to give to you. Giving is what I do. Trust me, if you enter fully into this relationship, you will get more out of life than you imagined.

Yes, there is some work and obligation and responsibililty involved. Being in a relationship involves some effort and some sharing of love on your part. But when God offers a relationship, God is not looking for concessions or payment. All God wants to know is, do you want in or not?

The problem with David’s proposal to build a Temple was that David was making an alteration to the covenant, to the contract. David was making a concession. A fine and noble gesture, but God’s covenants are airtight; they aren’t open to negotiation. God isn’t looking for concessions.

To emphasize this point, God responds to David’s offer with this counteroffer:

"You want to make a contract to build a house for me: how’s this? I’m going to build a house for you. I will make a great name for you. Your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me; your throne shall be established forever.

That’s the deal; take it or leave it.

When it comes to contracts, we don’t negotiate with God. We don’t have to because God rigs every contract in our favor.

We see the same type of negotiation of contract in the Gospel of Luke. God comes to Mary with a contract proposal. "Here’s the deal. You will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and he will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."

Now in modern day negotiation terms, the proper response would be, "Tell you what, it sounds good. But I need a little time to look this over. There are some guarantees I would like to see included in the deal. So why don’t have my people call your people and we’ll sit down and hammer this thing out."

But in this case, as in all of God’s contracts, there is no negotiation. There’s no need for negotiation, because God isn’t looking to get something from people—God is looking to give something.

Look at all the contracts: God is looking to bless someone. Abraham, Moses, David, Mary. That’s what God’s contracts do. They arrange for more and more blessings to shower upon the earth.

Other than a closer relationship with people, what does God want to get out of this deal with Mary? Nothing.

Just sign the thing.

To her credit, that’s what Mary does, and she signs it with a flourish: "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."

God did not send his son Jesus to earth at Christmas because someone begged him to do so. Jesus did not willingly die for our sins as part of a complex negotiation. God does not grant us eternal life in exchange for our obedience and worship.

God offers all those things freely for those willing to share a life-giving relationship with him. There is nothing to negotiate in that contract. God has given it all away in the first offer. We are left with the same choice Mary was given—sign it as is, or don’t.

What God does is not smart negotiation by industry standards. But that’s how love negotiates. Love, symbolized by our 4^th candle today, isn’t trying to get anything. Love simply offers all that it has to give, and leaves nothing left to negotiate. We sign that contract, or we don’t.